"I see, I see something..."

by Bob Perks © 2001

"For better or for worse is what we promised. I hope that this is the worst that it gets," she said.

I always wanted to fly like a seagull. I love how they hang in one spot. My Dad always told me that they could do that because they were attached to strings up in Heaven. When I asked why they don't get tangled up, he'd say "That's because they are attached to "Angel Birds."

That's right. At that age I bought into that idea, too. That covered all the bases. You see I asked one day if animals go to heaven. He said yes. So it made sense to me that they would help animals on Earth.

I wish it were true of people. I wish that angels could attach strings to those who need help and just walk them through it. Then this young lady wouldn't have been sitting there on the rocks crying.

Just off to the left of the famous "Forty Steps" on the Cliff Walks in Newport, you can climb down and sit on the rocks. That's where I found her.

It's a common sight to see people sitting along the waters edge reading, dreaming and connecting with the world around them. Some come there to remember, others to forget. She was some where in between. There was so much she was trying to hold on to and yet, parts she wished she could toss into the ocean.

I happened to walk by just when she was letting go.

"It's an incredible day, isn't it," I said.

"For some people," she replied.

"Well, it's really incredible for everyone. It's just that sometimes we choose not to acknowledge it. People see what they want to see." I replied.

"That's how it is with my husband and I. I'm invisible to him at times. I guess he chooses not to see how incredible I am."

"What about you? Do you take time to acknowledge him? You know an incredible day is like an incredible marriage. It's always there. One looks at it and sees how bad it is and the other looks and sees the beauty in it. But the day, like the marriage, is just always there. It's what you make of it."

"But I don't think we are both seeing it the same way," she said.

"See the horizon out there? Look up toward the sky and tell me what you see," I asked of her.

"Well, I see the clouds passing by," she told me.

"That's funny. When I look out there, I see the blue sky. The clouds challenge me. They block what I really want to see. My choice is to focus on the clouds or be thankful I can still see the sky. That's because I have taught myself to look beyond the obvious."

"So I'm not really seeing my marriage, our love and commitment. I'm seeing the problems," she said.

"Exactly," I said. "So do you love him?"

"Yes, of course!"

"At night when you roll over and he's there, do you look into his eyes and sigh a prayer of thanks for having him in your life?"

"Yes, I do."

"Can you remember the last time you were home alone? What did the emptiness feel like?"

"At first I'll admit it was nice. I enjoy private times alone."

"But was there point when you found yourself longing for his voice, his smile, even his groans and gripes?"

"Yes. He was out of town and the early evening was great. I did what I wanted to do. But then later that evening, as I faced the prospect of heading up the stairs alone, I suddenly felt like a child lost and afraid."

"Okay. All that makes up what you call your marriage. That's the sky. That's the day. It's always there. What you are focusing on right now are the clouds. See the marriage for what it is. The clouds come and go. Talk to him about the clouds but start by looking at the sky together."

"For better or for worse is what we promised. I hope that this is the worst that it gets," she said.

"Here's a challenge for you. Did you ever play "I see, I see something...red," or whatever color? One person looks casually around the room and selects an object and names the color. The others take turns guessing what you saw. It could be the smallest detail and it would take forever before they would see it," I said. "But if the others couldn't guess we would tell them."

"Maybe my husband just doesn't see it," she said.

"Maybe it's time to stop playing the game and point it out to him," I said.

Suddenly from the other side of the rocks a big, beautiful seagull came swooping down. Although the wind was quite strong, he was able to hang there. Except for a slight rise and fall the bird did indeed seem to be connected to strings.

"Now watch that bird. As steady as it is, all it needs to do is just tip one wing slightly and it can instantly soar up into the sky. Perhaps that's all you need to do," I said as I turned to walk away.

The bird, startled by my move, darted upward.

"You see how easy it was?" I said as I hit the last step. A young couple passed me and headed down toward the landing.

Now, just barely able to hear over the sound of the ocean waves hitting the rocks, I heard the couple say "Hello!" to her.

She replied, "Incredible day. Did you notice the blue sky on the horizon?"

I see, I see something hopeful.

"I Believe in you!"
Bob Perks © 2001

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